TumbleDweeeb

Emmitt Owens

Comedy

  • A Poem Disguised as a Rant Disguised as an Essay Disguised as a Tuesday.

    Tuesday feels like everyone’s got a checklistof thingsthat shouldn’t bother thembut doHoward wrote three posts this weekabout baseball caps facing backwardThree separate postsSame capSame complaint.Same energy of a man who says“I just keep scrolling”while absolutely…not keeping scrollingInstead…He stopsHe has to post about itHe has to post about howthe plastic strap bothers himThat little adjustable piecestretched… Read more

  • Hawks Nest: Episode 1: The Healing of Hawk

    Hawks Nest: The Healing of HawkEpisode 1 (2026)A Therapeutic JourneyWritten by: Emmitt Owens(Index #12022025-12042025)As narrated by: Waylon Waylon, Intro: “Well now, folks, settle in for a tale about the day Hawk Dawson decided he needed professional help—not for the reasons most folks thought, mind you, but because he’d reached what he called ‘a level of… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode #68: Thankful at Pump #3

    Chill n’Fill: Thankful at Pump #3By: Emmitt OwensEpisode #68(Index #11252025)    Thanksgiving at the Chill n’Fill doesn’t come with tablecloths.     It comes with salt stains on the floor mats and people swearing under their breath at Pump #3.   The bear—twenty feet of winking plastic optimism—stood over the lot in a knit scarf and a beanie… Read more

  • Mad Mechanics: A Buzzard Roost Thanksgiving

    Mad Mechanics: Gobble ‘Til You WobbleWritten by: Emmitt OwensAs narrated by: WaylonEpisode: #17(Index# 11252025) Mad Mechanics —Holiday Special Episode: Gobble ’Til You WobbleA Buzzard Roost Thanksgiving Catastrophe Waylon, Intro: “If you’ve never spent Thanksgiving in Buzzard Roost, Alabama, let me save you the trouble of pretending it’s normal. Other towns got quiet prayers over polite… Read more

  • The Blunt Bible: The Forbidden Fruit (Genesis 3)

    They had paradise with one rule. A creature that could talk—but hadn’t learned to crawl yet—convinced them otherwise. Three beings present, zero accountability taken. God said ‘you’ll die.’ They lived 900 years. The serpent’s words came true literally. Genesis never calls it Satan. Maybe we’ve been reading this story wrong. 🐍🍎 Read more

  • The Blunt Bible: Creation & The Making of Adam (Genesis 1-2)

    “In the beginning, there was nothing. Just God. Then He said ‘Let there be light’—and there was light. No sun yet (that comes later, don’t think about it too hard). From dirt and divine breath came humanity. Everything was ‘very good’—no death, no pain, no shame. Just paradise, purpose, and one simple rule. 🌍✨” Read more

  • Chill n’Fill: Book 3, Episode 4

    Chill n’FillBook 3: Episode 4Dating Disasters and Hard-Won WisdomWritten by: Emmitt Owens(Index #07222025)    Friday night at the Chill n’Fill buzzed with the usual weekend split—half the crowd revved up for adventure, the other half limping in like survivors of labor forced workweek. I was halfway through cramming neon cans of energy drinks into the… Read more

  • The Signal in the Static

    The Signal in the StaticBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #09122025) Oh, look what crawled through the ethernet cables today—your little transmission—blinking at me like a confused lighthouse that’s forgotten which way the shore is supposed to be. And here I am, cosmic radio operator extraordinaire, having to tune into your particular brand of “scrambled frequency” because apparently… Read more

  • Tuesday in My Brain

    Tuesday in My BrainFor My Grandchildren: Silas, Elijah & Theo(Index # 09112025) In the town of the teapots I painted a shoe,With pickles for buttons and some glittery glue.I danced with a doorknob, I sang to a chair,I juggled three penguins while brushing my hair.Pull the moon backward and tie it with shoestrings,With a bubblegum… Read more

  • The Broken Toenail Catastrophe

    The Broken Toenail Catastrophe*As told by Gary*By: Emmitt Owens(Index #08082025)    Let me start by saying that what happened at Orange Beach last Tuesday was not my fault. Well, okay, it was technically my fault, but hear me out—any reasonable person would have made the same decisions I made, given the circumstances. The fact that… Read more