TumbleDweeeb

Emmitt Owens

  • Chris Henson Rants: #35 Poor Grammer

          WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL TYPING LIKE THEIR KEYBOARD IS HAVING AN ACTUAL SEIZURE?!?!? 👆👆👆 Chris Henson here, and I am ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY MIND over these ALPHABET ASSASSINS who communicate like they’re being CHARGED BY THE LETTER or writing with their ELBOWS!!!   Have y’all noticed how some people text like they’re ACTIVELY RUNNING Read more

  • Chris Henson Rants: #28 Content Creators

       WHY ARE THERE SUDDENLY MORE “CONTENT CREATORS” THAN ACTUAL CONTENT ON THE INTERNET?!?!? 😤😤😤 Chris Henson here, and I am ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY MIND over this EPIDEMIC of SELF-PROCLAIMED “CREATORS” who somehow create NOTHING but NOISE and ALGORITHMS, SHARE CONTENT THAT THEY DID NOT CREATE and CALL THEMSELVES CREATORS!!!   Let me paint you a Read more

  • Chris Henson Rants: #14 Pop-Up Ads

    Chris Henson Rants: #14 Pop-Up Ads (04/10/2025)    I AM GONNA LOSE MY FREAKING MIND IF I SEE ONE MORE POP-UP AD!!!! 😤😤😤 Chris Henson here, and I’m about to THROW MY LAPTOP INTO THE SAME INTERSECTION WHERE I’M ALWAYS STUCK AT THAT BROKEN TRAFFIC LIGHT!!!     I just wanted to look up WEATHER!!! THE WEATHER!!! Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 23

    Braggarts, Brains, and Betrayal    Thursday night at Chill & Fill greets me with its usual fluorescent embrace. The one-eyed polar bear sign watches over the parking lot, its neon wink a perpetual commentary on the human comedy below.   The radio plays Queens of the Stone Age’s “No One Knows” as I restock the cigarette Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 22

    Spilled Coffee, Supernatural Seekers, and Late-Night Confessions    My Friday night shift at Chill n’Fill was off to a promising start. The one-eyed polar bear sign flickered less tonight—Bob had finally convinced the electrician to return and fix the wiring after three rescheduled appointments. The bear’s eyepatch now glowed a vibrant purple instead of its Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 21

    Dead City Nights, Reclaimed Labels, and Peeking Through    Jennifer called in sick again—this time claiming her “clock had a broken gear” which might have been vaguely plausible in 1875 but seems highly suspect in our digital age. I’m starting to think she has a secret life as an international spy, given her increasingly creative Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 20

    Limitations, Lamentations, and Lyrical Coincidences    Jennifer called in sick again. This time her excuse was that her “goldfish blew bubbles” which is either some elaborate euphemism I’m not hip enough to understand or the weakest excuse in the history of employment. Either way, I’m covering her shift for the eighth time this month. At Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 19

    The Card Hunter, The Minister, and The Modern Shaggy    Jennifer called in sick AGAIN. This marks the seventh time this month, which I’m pretty sure qualifies her for some kind of absenteeism world record. Today’s excuse was “car troubles,” which is both entirely plausible and completely suspect given that she used the same excuse Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 18

    Profanity, Politics, and Paranormal Activity      Jennifer called in sick again with what she claimed was “a severe case of food poisoning,” which is either genuinely unfortunate timing or the most transparent excuse I’ve heard since my roommate said our cat deleted our rent payment. Whatever. More questionable night shifts for me, Karlee, professional sarcasm Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 17

    Seek and You Shall Find, Darkness Falls, and Worried Masterpieces    I arrived for my Wednesday shift at Chill n’Fill to find Bob wrestling with our one-eyed polar bear sign again. This time, he was carefully attaching what appeared to be a tiny telescope to the bear’s remaining good eye. The sombrero had been removed… Read more