TumbleDweeeb

Emmitt Owens

2025

  • The Glorious Glitchbbrains of Who-Did-I-Do

    The Glorious Glitchbbrains of Who-Did-I-Do?By: Emmitt Owens(Index #12062025) In the kingdom of Blameless-Beloo,live the Glorious Glitchbbrains of Who-Did-I-Do?They twirl through their stories with confident skips,while dropping their memories like popcorn and chips. They once swapped a heart for a moment of thrill —with a stranger whose name they misplaced on a sill.“Oh fiddlesticks!  Who WAS Read more

  • The Me-Me-Me Monsters

    The Me-Me-Me MonstersBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12042025) In a town near the Valley of Didn’t-You-Know,Lived folks who were stars of their own one-man shows.They’d puff up their chests with a me-me-me boom,Till they sucked every ounce of attention in rooms. They’d never ask questions like “How was your day?”For that would mean listening — what? No Read more

  • The Ballad of the Perfect Potato

    The Ballad of the Perfect PotatoExistential/Psychological/Systems HorrorBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12272025) Look at my spud, so pristine and so round,Perfectly shaped, not a blemish or brown,Grows exactly on schedule, never strays from the row,But ask what it dreams of? Man, I just don’t know. See, I had a vision, a masterful plan,Gonna cultivate me the world’s Read more

  • Low-Rent Majestic

    Low-Rent MajesticA Multisyllabic, Whimsy, Stream of Consciousness RhymeBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #01022026) [Hook]I don’t need approval, I need better decisions My conscience got evicted for unpaid supervision I wake up like “damn, still me?”—that’s persistence Every bad idea got my full cooperation  No halo, no villain arc, just friction Too weird for the normies, too broken for tradition If this goes Read more

  • Parenting 101

    Parenting 101A Stream of Conscience, Comedic, Multisyllable RhymeBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #01012026) IntroAlright—hold up…Sound check crackling like my last relationship.Fair warning upfront: This gets weird if you’re sober or expecting common sense. Verse 1I’m infectious with sentences, diction got pestilence,If you clap back, pack proof and some penicillin in.I overcook metaphors, choke jokes twice,Trip over punchlines, Read more

  • B-12: A Love Vitamin

    B-12: A Love NumberBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12312025)    Look, I’m fifty-four, and I’ll tell you right now: the house didn’t echo when my youngest daughter drove off to college. It just got quiet. The kind of quiet you’ve been waiting thirty-four years for, even if you didn’t know it. The last of the kids to Read more

  • Rest in Peace: 2025

    R.I.P. 2025 By: Emmitt Owens (Index #12302025-8:07am) Diddy’s baby oil stash went from bathroom accessory to courtroom exhibit, and the whole internet got LUBED, MOISTURIZED, AND SIDE-EYEING EVERY SHINE Suddenly nobody trusted a glow, a gloss, or a man with “good skin.” Taylor Swift got engaged to Travis Kelce and that announcement PENETRATED DEEP—timelines expanded, Read more

  • A Tuesday Poem

    A Tuesday PoemBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12302025) Tuesday weighs heavy like wet wool, this day that pretendsto be productive but really just slouches between the bookends—and I’m thinking about how we’ve built this elaborate theaterwhere everyone’s both audience and performer and no onecan remember their lines but we all keep showing up anyway,swiping left on our Read more

  • A Darkly Humorous Piece About: Opting Out of Relationships – Episode 5

    The Opt-OutEpisode 5By: Emmitt Owens (Index #12292026) “Tolerance for not knowing is the quiet skill modern relationships no longer teach. It’s the ability to sit inside uncertainty without immediately labeling it, fixing it, or defending against it. It’s trusting that meaning can emerge over time instead of demanding clarity on demand. Relationships don’t unfold through certainty—they Read more

  • The Physics of Sleeping With You

    The Physics of Sleeping With YouBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12012025)    Every night, the same accusation flies across the mattress like a thrown pillow.     “You’re doing it again,” Marina says, her voice carrying through the darkness.   I open one eye. I am currently occupying approximately seven inches of mattress space—what Marina has taken to calling “The Read more