writing
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OKAY WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS GAS STATION CALLED CHILL N’ FILL AND THEIR DEMONIC WINKING BEAR MASCOT!!!! 😤😤😤 Chris Henson here, and I’m LOSING MY MIND over this establishment!!! First of all, what kind of name is “CHILL N’ FILL”??? Every time I say it, I feel like I’m… Read more
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Chill n’Fill Chronicles: The Night of the Little Car Thief, The Local Ranting Man & Officers Looking My Friday night shift at Chill n’Fill was officially entering the twilight zone. The one-eyed polar bear sign outside flickered rhythmically, as if winking at the parade of weirdness that was about to unfold. Bob’s “rebranding” of… Read more
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WHY DO PEOPLE ACT LIKE ANSWERING “I DON’T KNOW” IS A PERSONAL FAILING EQUIVALENT TO ADMITTING YOU KICK PUPPIES IN YOUR SPARE TIME?!?!? 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ Chris Henson here, and I am having a COMPLETE EPISTEMOLOGICAL MELTDOWN over society’s BIZARRE AVERSION to the most HONEST THREE WORDS in the English language!!! Has anyone else noticed… Read more
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I was five years old when I learned how to start a car. Not just any car… a 1980 Trans Am, dark purple, with T-tops that offered glimpses of Arkansas sky and an exhaust system that announced our arrival half a mile before we appeared. That Phoenix emblazoned across the hood might as… Read more
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WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL TYPING LIKE THEIR KEYBOARD IS HAVING AN ACTUAL SEIZURE?!?!? 👆👆👆 Chris Henson here, and I am ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY MIND over these ALPHABET ASSASSINS who communicate like they’re being CHARGED BY THE LETTER or writing with their ELBOWS!!! Have y’all noticed how some people text like they’re ACTIVELY RUNNING… Read more
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Spilled Coffee, Supernatural Seekers, and Late-Night Confessions My Friday night shift at Chill n’Fill was off to a promising start. The one-eyed polar bear sign flickered less tonight—Bob had finally convinced the electrician to return and fix the wiring after three rescheduled appointments. The bear’s eyepatch now glowed a vibrant purple instead of its… Read more
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Limitations, Lamentations, and Lyrical Coincidences Jennifer called in sick again. This time her excuse was that her “goldfish blew bubbles” which is either some elaborate euphemism I’m not hip enough to understand or the weakest excuse in the history of employment. Either way, I’m covering her shift for the eighth time this month. At… Read more
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Profanity, Politics, and Paranormal Activity Jennifer called in sick again with what she claimed was “a severe case of food poisoning,” which is either genuinely unfortunate timing or the most transparent excuse I’ve heard since my roommate said our cat deleted our rent payment. Whatever. More questionable night shifts for me, Karlee, professional sarcasm… Read more
TumbleDweeeb 