TumbleDweeeb

   WHY DO PEOPLE ACT LIKE ANSWERING “I DON’T KNOW” IS A PERSONAL FAILING EQUIVALENT TO ADMITTING YOU KICK PUPPIES IN YOUR SPARE TIME?!?!? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ Chris Henson here, and I am having a COMPLETE EPISTEMOLOGICAL MELTDOWN over society’s BIZARRE AVERSION to the most HONEST THREE WORDS in the English language!!!
   Has anyone else noticed how saying “I don’t know” triggers facial expressions normally reserved for ANNOUNCING TERMINAL ILLNESSES?!? I was asked about the economic impacts of some obscure trade policy during a dinner party, and when I admitted I didn’t know, you’d think I’d just CONFESSED TO ARSON!!! People looked at me like I’d failed some kind of BASIC INTELLIGENCE TEST instead of simply acknowledging the LIMITS OF MY KNOWLEDGE!!! That’s not social awkwardness, that’s HONESTY PENALTY!!!
   The absolute WORST is how this phrase is treated differently depending on your GENDER and PROFESSION!!! When my female colleague says “I don’t know, let me find out,” she’s seen as UNPREPARED or INCOMPETENT, but when our male coworker says the EXACT SAME THING, he’s THOUGHTFUL and THOROUGH!!! And heaven forbid a DOCTOR or LAWYER admit uncertainty – apparently, professional degrees come with OMNISCIENCE WARRANTIES!!! That’s not expertise expectations, that’s SUPERNATURAL KNOWLEDGE DEMANDS!!!
   Don’t even get me STARTED on how people would rather hear a CONFIDENT WRONG ANSWER than an honest “I don’t know”!!! Studies show that we consistently prefer DECISIVE INCORRECT INFORMATION over ACCURATE UNCERTAINTY!!! My cousin makes up ELABORATE EXPLANATIONS for things he clearly knows NOTHING ABOUT, and people NOD APPRECIATIVELY at his COMPLETE FABRICATIONS!!! Meanwhile, I say “I’m not familiar with that” and get looked at like I’ve admitted to a COGNITIVE DISABILITY!!! That’s not information exchange, that’s CONFIDENCE THEATER!!!
   I made the CATASTROPHIC ERROR of saying “I don’t know” during a job interview when asked about a software platform I’d never used!!! The interviewer’s expression transformed like I’d just CONFESSED TO IDENTITY THEFT!!! I quickly added “but I’m a fast learner and could become proficient quickly,” which somehow REHABILITATED me from INTELLECTUAL PARIAH to ACCEPTABLE CANDIDATE!!! That’s not job screening, that’s PENALIZING HONESTY!!!
   The most BAFFLING thing is watching people perform VERBAL GYMNASTICS to avoid saying these three simple words!!! “Well, from my understanding,” “I believe the situation is,” “If memory serves me correctly,” all fancy ways of saying “I’M ABOUT TO GUESS BUT DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT”!!! We’ve created a culture where PRETENDING TO KNOW is more valued than HONESTLY ACKNOWLEDGING LIMITS!!! That’s not communication, that’s KNOWLEDGE COSPLAY!!!
   These certainty-demanders have the AUDACITY to get ANNOYED when your honest “I don’t know” is followed by you actually FINDING THE CORRECT INFORMATION!!! “You could have just said that to begin with!” NO, KAREN, I COULDN’T HAVE, BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW IT TO BEGIN WITH!!! Would you prefer I RANDOMLY GENERATE ANSWERS like some sort of MISINFORMATION VENDING MACHINE?!? That’s not reasonable expectation, that’s TEMPORAL CONTRADICTION!!!
   The absolute PEAK of “I don’t know” aversion is watching people in POSITIONS OF POWER twist themselves into RHETORICAL PRETZELS to avoid this phrase!!! Politicians answering simple yes/no questions with SEVENTEEN-MINUTE RESPONSES that contain exactly ZERO INFORMATION!!! Business leaders offering VAGUE PLATITUDES rather than admitting uncertainty!!! That’s not leadership, that’s LINGUISTIC EVASION ARTISTRY!!!
   And the PARENTAL APPLICATION of this phenomenon!!! Kids ask approximately 3,000 QUESTIONS DAILY, many of which have no clear answers or involve QUANTUM PHYSICS, yet parents feel MORALLY OBLIGATED to provide DEFINITIVE RESPONSES!!! “Why is the sky blue? Where do thoughts come from? What was before the universe existed?” Sure, let me just consult my COMPLETE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF ALL KNOWLEDGE that apparently came with my PARENT ORIENTATION PACKET!!! That’s not education, that’s PRETENDING ADULTHOOD CONFERS OMNISCIENCE!!!
   What makes this truly INFURIATING is that “I don’t know” is often the most INTELLECTUALLY HONEST answer possible!!! The greatest scientific and philosophical breakthroughs began with someone having the courage to say “I don’t know, but I’d like to find out”!!! Socrates built an entire PHILOSOPHICAL TRADITION around acknowledging ignorance!!! That’s not intellectual weakness, that’s the FOUNDATION OF ACTUAL WISDOM!!!
   I’ve started deliberately saying “I don’t know” even when I have a VAGUE IDEA, just to normalize this phrase in conversation!!! The VISIBLE DISCOMFORT this creates is FASCINATING!!! People would rather hear me stumble through a HALF-BAKED THEORY than confidently acknowledge the limits of my knowledge!!! That’s not information sharing, that’s SOCIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT!!!


UPDATE: Yes, this is Chris “Comfortable With Uncertainty” Henson! Between my barking dog, traffic lights with vendettas, and now society’s allergic reaction to knowledge boundaries, I’m convinced we’re living in a simulation designed to test how long humans can pretend to know everything! At least my dog has the intellectual honesty to simply tilt his head in confusion when he doesn’t understand something instead of barking a confident but completely incorrect answer! Maybe dogs are evolutionarily superior to humans in their comfort with acknowledged ignorance!!!

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