TumbleDweeeb

Emmitt Owens

2025

  • Mad Mechanics: Hallelujah Horsepower

    Mad Mechanics: Hallelujah HorsepowerEpisode 12.5 — Holiday Choir Van SpecialWritten by: Emmitt Owens(Index #12012025-12032025)As narrated by: Waylon Waylon, Intro: “Well now, folks, settle in for a tale about the night when divine intervention met backwoods engineering, when a church van became a rolling miracle, and when the boys at Mad Mechanics discovered that sometimes the… Read more

  • The Blunt Bible: Abrams Covenant with God (Genesis 15:1-21)

    ABRAM’S COVENANT WITH GOD (Genesis 15:1-21)The Blunt Bible EditionBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #10232025) Faith believes when the math doesn’t work. —– ✍️ Author’s Note:   Genesis 15 is about what happens when you make the right choice and wait for God to show up.   In Genesis 14, Abram refused wealth from the King of Sodom. Said no… Read more

  • The Possum Branch: Episode 1

    THE POSSUM BRANCH SERIESEpisode 1: PILOT: The Squirrel SiegeBy: Emmitt Owens (Index #12012025)    They don’t train you in radio school for nights like these. Mostly because nobody goes to radio school anymore. You just show up, prove you can avoid dead air, and pray someone remembers to pay you.   I’m broadcasting from a shed… Read more

  • The Glorious Glitchbbrains of Who-Did-I-Do

    The Glorious Glitchbbrains of Who-Did-I-Do?By: Emmitt Owens(Index #12062025) In the kingdom of Blameless-Beloo,live the Glorious Glitchbbrains of Who-Did-I-Do?They twirl through their stories with confident skips,while dropping their memories like popcorn and chips. They once swapped a heart for a moment of thrill —with a stranger whose name they misplaced on a sill.“Oh fiddlesticks!  Who WAS… Read more

  • The Me-Me-Me Monsters

    The Me-Me-Me MonstersBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12042025) In a town near the Valley of Didn’t-You-Know,Lived folks who were stars of their own one-man shows.They’d puff up their chests with a me-me-me boom,Till they sucked every ounce of attention in rooms. They’d never ask questions like “How was your day?”For that would mean listening — what? No… Read more

  • The Ballad of the Perfect Potato

    The Ballad of the Perfect PotatoExistential/Psychological/Systems HorrorBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12272025) Look at my spud, so pristine and so round,Perfectly shaped, not a blemish or brown,Grows exactly on schedule, never strays from the row,But ask what it dreams of? Man, I just don’t know. See, I had a vision, a masterful plan,Gonna cultivate me the world’s… Read more

  • Low-Rent Majestic

    Low-Rent MajesticA Multisyllabic, Whimsy, Stream of Consciousness RhymeBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #01022026) [Hook]I don’t need approval, I need better decisions My conscience got evicted for unpaid supervision I wake up like “damn, still me?”—that’s persistence Every bad idea got my full cooperation  No halo, no villain arc, just friction Too weird for the normies, too broken for tradition If this goes… Read more

  • Parenting 101

    Parenting 101A Stream of Conscience, Comedic, Multisyllable RhymeBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #01012026) IntroAlright—hold up…Sound check crackling like my last relationship.Fair warning upfront: This gets weird if you’re sober or expecting common sense. Verse 1I’m infectious with sentences, diction got pestilence,If you clap back, pack proof and some penicillin in.I overcook metaphors, choke jokes twice,Trip over punchlines,… Read more

  • B-12: A Love Vitamin

    B-12: A Love NumberBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #12312025)    Look, I’m fifty-four, and I’ll tell you right now: the house didn’t echo when my youngest daughter drove off to college. It just got quiet. The kind of quiet you’ve been waiting thirty-four years for, even if you didn’t know it. The last of the kids to… Read more

  • Rest in Peace: 2025

    R.I.P. 2025 By: Emmitt Owens (Index #12302025-8:07am) Diddy’s baby oil stash went from bathroom accessory to courtroom exhibit, and the whole internet got LUBED, MOISTURIZED, AND SIDE-EYEING EVERY SHINE Suddenly nobody trusted a glow, a gloss, or a man with “good skin.” Taylor Swift got engaged to Travis Kelce and that announcement PENETRATED DEEP—timelines expanded,… Read more