The Intentional Courtship Method
No More Games: Rules for Real Romance
“Love isn’t an app swipe or a spark. It’s a home you build together, one room at a time.”
TL;DR: If you want real love, not temporary thrills—read this. I’m playing the long game.
Short Version: I practice intentional courtship – building love like a home, slowly and deliberately. Friendship first, emotional connection before physical, romance that’s earned not rushed. Playing the long game in a short-game world. If you’re looking for someone who wants to fall in love on purpose, welcome. 🏠💕
💫 What I Do Crave in Real Romance
The moment our eyes meet across a room and I already feel safe
The emotional build-up of a kiss that took weeks to earn
Long letters that read like chapters in a love story
Inside jokes that no one else would understand
Feeling like home to each other
A relationship so solid that intimacy feels like celebration, not validation
The butterflies that come from being truly known, not just desired
Seasons changing together while our connection deepens
Building something so beautiful that other people want what we have
You get the point, many many many other things
A Personal Note
I created these rules after years of learning the hard way—what doesn’t last, what hurts, and what I truly long for. This isn’t theoretical for me. This is lived truth. I’ve watched shallow connections burn out, felt the emptiness of physical attraction without emotional depth, and experienced the pain of rushing into something that wasn’t built to last. These rules aren’t born from judgment of others, but from honest reflection on what my heart actually needs to thrive. Every boundary here exists because I’ve learned what happens when it doesn’t.
What This Isn’t: Setting the Record Straight
This isn’t about judgment – It’s not about shame or controlling others’ choices. This is about my standards for my love story.
This isn’t anti-feminist – It’s about choosing depth over surface, intention over impulse. True empowerment is knowing what you want and refusing to settle.
This isn’t religious dogma – These are personal values based on what creates lasting love, not moral mandates for others.
This isn’t fear-based – It’s courage-based. It takes more bravery to be vulnerable emotionally than physically.
This isn’t about being “traditional” – It’s about being intentional. Some old ways worked because they prioritized what matters most.
If these rules don’t resonate with you, that’s perfectly fine. We’re simply not compatible, and that’s valuable information for both of us.
Why These Rules Exist: The Problem with Modern Love
Modern dating culture has lost its way. We’ve replaced genuine courtship with hookup culture, meaningful connection with instant gratification, and emotional intimacy with physical chemistry. Dating apps reduce people to photos and brief bios. “Netflix and chill” has replaced planning thoughtful dates. People ghost instead of having honest conversations. We’ve forgotten that real love requires time, effort, and genuine compatibility.
I’m not looking for a casual relationship or a quick physical connection. I’m seeking the kind of romance that makes your heart skip beats – the butterflies, the anticipation, the sweet ache of falling in love slowly. I want someone to know my soul before they know my body. I want to build something that lasts decades, not months.
I want that “first love” feeling – when holding hands felt electric, when a simple kiss was the culmination of weeks of emotional buildup, when romance was about the heart racing because someone understood you, not just because they were attractive.
These aren’t restrictions – they’re protections against shallow connections that burn bright but fade quickly, against physical attraction masquerading as love, against the modern rush that skips the beautiful process of falling in love.
📋 The Foundation: Non-Negotiable Principles
💝 Friendship First
This is the start of everything. How we meet. How we go about it from this point forward. The goal is to build genuine compatibility before romance. We must actually like each other as people. This rule must be at 100% – this is where a lot of temporary people get stuck because it could become “Friendship Only” and not progress beyond this point.
🚫 No Physical Intimacy Early
Focus entirely on friendship and emotional connection first. Physical attraction follows emotional bond, not the other way around. Know the person before knowing the kiss.
💯 Complete Honesty Always
Share everything – fears, dreams, embarrassing stories, daily moments. No performing or pretending. Your authentic self is what the right person will fall in love with.
🌹 The Courtship Framework: How We Date Intentionally
✨ Traditional Romance Elements
- Formal Dating Only – No casual “hanging out.” Every interaction is a planned date with intention and effort
- Gentleman/Lady Conduct – Open doors, pull out chairs, walk on the street side, offer your coat. Bring back chivalry and grace
- Effort Over Convenience – Plan real dates that require effort. Drive distances, make reservations, create experiences together
- Letter Writing – Send authentic handwritten notes, letters, or thoughtful texts. Written words carry more weight than verbal ones
- Gift Giving Tradition – Small, meaningful gifts that show you’re thinking of them. Books, flowers, something that reflects their interests
📅 Dating Structure
- Daily Connection – Talk every day without interrupting each other’s individual lives. Consistent but respectful communication
- Calling Hours – Establish specific times for communication. Don’t be available 24/7 – maintain mystery and anticipation
- The Suitor’s Test – Each person must prove their worthiness through consistent actions, reliability, and character over time
- Permission and Respect – Ask permission for each new level of intimacy. “May I hold your hand?” “May I walk you home?”
👥 Social Integration (Done Right)
- Proper Introduction Timeline – Meet each other’s friends and family ONLY AFTER emotional intimacy is established and exclusivity is chosen
- Chaperoned Mentality – Even when alone, behave as if someone you respect is watching. Maintain honor and integrity
- Seasonal Courtship – Allow the relationship to unfold naturally over seasons and holidays. Experience life cycles together
🏠 The Intimacy Ladder: Earning Connection
Each level is like adding a new room to the home you’re building together – taking time, care, and intention.
💭 Heart & Mind Intimacy Levels (Earned in Order)
Level 1: Soul Sharing
Exchange deepest fears, childhood memories, secret dreams, and vulnerabilities.
Level 2: Future Visioning
Discuss life goals, family hopes, career dreams, and where you see yourselves in 5-10 years.
Level 3: Daily Life Integration
Share mundane moments, daily struggles, small victories, and routine thoughts.
Level 4: Emotional Support
Become each other’s safe space for bad days, celebrations, and life challenges.
Level 5: Mental Connection
Finish each other’s thoughts, develop inside jokes, create your own language together.
Level 6: Heart Recognition
The moment when your heart races from emotional connection, not physical attraction.
💋 Physical Intimacy Rewards (Only After All Emotional Levels)
The Heart Rule (Final Reward)
Only after completing all emotional intimacy levels: If someone makes your heart race with genuine soul connection, you may kiss them. Any kind of kiss. This is the ultimate reward for emotional investment.
💬 Communication Standards: Be Authentically You
Your Natural Style Is Perfect
Your natural communication style is part of who you are, and the right person will love that about you. Don’t dim your enthusiasm and depth to fit some dating “strategy.”
Immediate Responses Are Gold
Respond quickly because you’re excited to hear from them. Don’t play games with response times to seem “cool” – that’s manipulation, not mystery. Immediate responses show you’re present, engaged, and that the person matters to you.
Paragraph Power
Write long, thoughtful messages. When you write paragraphs, it means you’re actually thinking about what you want to say and sharing your thoughts fully instead of giving breadcrumbs. It shows you care enough to express yourself completely. Short messages can feel dismissive.
Full Expression Over Strategy
Give the complete picture of your thoughts and feelings instead of breadcrumbs. Share yourself authentically rather than strategically. The person who’s meant for you will treasure that depth and authenticity.
⏰ Time Investment Rules: The Long Game
Minimum Time Requirements
- Spend at least 3-6 months building friendship before any romantic rewards unlock
- Allow at least one full season cycle before making major relationship decisions
- Accumulate meaningful shared experiences before earning intimate moments
The Investment Test
Both people must prove they’re willing to invest time, effort, and emotional energy before accessing deeper connection levels. If either person tries to speed up the timeline, return to friendship building.
Earning Each Level
Every milestone must be earned through emotional connection and time investment. No shortcuts, no rushing the process.
📱 Modern Adaptations: Making It Work Today
Technology Boundaries
Use phones to enhance deep connection, not replace face-to-face interaction. No couple-y posts or relationship status changes until officially romantic.
Individual Growth
Maintain your own goals, friendships, and personal development throughout the process. Distance doesn’t matter – be willing to travel for the right person.
🛡️ Protection & Safety: Emotional Boundaries
Regular Check-Ins
- Emotional safety net through regular conversations about feelings and comfort levels
- Either person can pause or modify rules if they’re not working, but must discuss openly
- The exit strategy: can you remain genuine friends if this doesn’t work out? Both must honestly answer yes
The Veto Power
Anyone can pause the process or suggest modifications, but it must be discussed openly and honestly.
Family/Friends Protection
Don’t introduce each other to important people until after exclusivity is established. This protects both your important relationships and the developing romance.
🎯 The Ultimate Filter: Who This Is Really For
I Want Special, Not Momentary
These rules are designed to filter out people who want quick gratification and attract those who value depth, patience, and genuine connection. Anyone who balks at these rules or tries to rush the process immediately shows they’re not your person.
No Randoms Allowed
Anyone willing to follow this process is someone who shares your values about love, romance, and building something meaningful that lasts decades, not months.
The Right Person’s Response
The right person will read these rules and think “Finally, someone who takes love seriously.” They’ll be excited to build something real with you, to take the time to know your soul, to earn every level of intimacy through genuine connection.
🎯 My Personal Mission: Playing the Long Game
Romance Over Chemistry
Choose romantic gestures over physical tension. Flowers, handwritten notes, surprise picnics, thoughtful gifts. I’m playing the long game in a short-game world.
Fall in Love on Purpose
Choose to love based on compatibility and genuine connection, not just feelings or timing. Every aspect of these rules makes romance intentional rather than accidental.
The Beautiful Wait
I don’t care how long it takes for me to have sex again – I know that using these rules, that specific intimacy will probably be the greatest of my life because it will be the culmination of deep emotional connection rather than its substitute.
Creating My Love Story
My mission isn’t just about finding love – it’s about finding love that’s worth the wait, worth the effort, worth doing right. I will stay true to this vision. This is my love story, and I am the author. It will be written beautifully.
🕯️ The Beacon
I’m seeking to light a very specific kind of lantern – the kind only someone walking the same slow, intentional road will recognize. I’m lighting a beacon for you.
In a world of convenience and instant everything, choosing to court slowly is revolutionary. It says: “You’re worth the effort. You’re worth the time. You’re worth doing this right.”
You’re not looking for just anyone – you’re looking for THE one. And these rules will help you find them.
The goal: Create that “first love” feeling through intentional courtship, where every moment matters and romance is earned through genuine time investment and connection.
Your beacon is lit. The right person – someone who also believes love is worth doing beautifully – will recognize that light from miles away.
❌ What I Don’t Do
Physical Boundaries:
- No kissing on first dates (or early dates)
- No “making out” without emotional intimacy first
- No physical contact that’s meant to “test chemistry”
- No using alcohol as an excuse for physical intimacy
- No overnight stays or sleepovers during courtship
- No intimate touching “to see if there’s a spark”
- No physical escalation as a way to show interest
Dating Patterns:
- No “trial runs” or “test driving” relationships physically
- No treating physical intimacy as casual or recreational
- No separating physical attraction from emotional connection
- No “chemistry first, compatibility later” approach
- No using physical intimacy to avoid emotional vulnerability
- No treating your body or theirs as something to “sample”
👎 What I Don’t Believe In
Social Scene Participation:
- No bar/club pickup culture participation
- No party hookup scenes or house party “connections”
- No spring break/vacation fling mentality
- No wedding reception hookups or “plus one” situations meant for meeting people
- No drunk texting or intoxicated decision-making about romance
Relationship Structures:
- No “open relationships” or non-monogamous arrangements
- No polyamory or multiple romantic connections simultaneously
- No booty calls, late-night “come over” invitations
- No “casual dating” multiple people physically
- No treating people as interchangeable or disposable
Communication Patterns:
- No sexual innuendo or suggestive conversation early on
- No “what are you wearing” type conversations
- No discussing past physical relationships in detail
- No using crude or vulgar language about romance/relationships
- No treating attraction as purely physical or sexual
Cultural Attitudes:
- No treating commitment as outdated or restrictive
- No “sex-positive” culture that treats intimacy as casual
- No “empowerment through casual sex” mentality
- No treating marriage or long-term commitment as old-fashioned
- No participation in “sexual freedom” movements that devalue emotional connection
Signed,
Someone who believes love is worth doing beautifully
TumbleDweeeb 
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