TumbleDweeeb

Emmitt Owens

Funny

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 19

    The Card Hunter, The Minister, and The Modern Shaggy    Jennifer called in sick AGAIN. This marks the seventh time this month, which I’m pretty sure qualifies her for some kind of absenteeism world record. Today’s excuse was “car troubles,” which is both entirely plausible and completely suspect given that she used the same excuse… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 18

    Profanity, Politics, and Paranormal Activity      Jennifer called in sick again with what she claimed was “a severe case of food poisoning,” which is either genuinely unfortunate timing or the most transparent excuse I’ve heard since my roommate said our cat deleted our rent payment. Whatever. More questionable night shifts for me, Karlee, professional sarcasm… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 16

    Bob’s Announcements, Abandonment, and Audacity Tuesday night at Chill n’Fill began with a minor apocalypse in the dairy section. The aged refrigeration unit—which Bob had repeatedly promised to replace “next fiscal quarter” for the past seven fiscal quarters—finally gave up its mechanical ghost with a death rattle that sounded suspiciously like Kenny Rogers’ “Know When… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 15

    Bicycles, Energy Drinks, and Candy Thieves    The Three’s Company theme song suddenly blared through the Chill & Fill’s ancient sound system, its jaunty, upbeat melody filling the store despite nobody pressing play. The cheerful tune about “come and knock on our door” and “three’s company too” echoed across the empty parking lot, creating an… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 12

    Late Night Desires, Divine Complexes, and Heated Confessions    It was Saturday night at Chill & Fill, and I was feeling distinctly unlike myself. Two weeks without a date, an apartment with broken air conditioning, and the constant disappointment of dating apps had left me in a perpetually aroused state that was becoming increasingly distracting.… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 8

    Metal Heads, Mountain Dew, and Midnight Mischief    Thursday night at Chill & Fill was unusually quiet. The one-eyed polar bear sign had been upgraded again—this time Bob had added a small plastic guitar to the bear’s paw, claiming it gave our mascot “rock star appeal.” The bear now looked like a pirate sailor who’d… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill Episode 7

    The Morning Rush: Dawn Breaks at the Quickmart The neon sign at the “Chill n’Fill” flickers to life with all the enthusiasm of a teenager asked to clean their room. Our one-eyed polar bear mascot—inexplicably styled like a pirate despite selling gas station coffee rather than plundering ships—surveys the parking lot with its solitary gaze,… Read more

  • Marty’s Quikmart Episode 5

    Bob’s Announcements    Thursday night at Chill & Fill, and the one-eyed polar bear sign flickers above the entrance like a neon guardian with a perpetual wink. My shift begins with the usual routine… counting the register, checking expiration dates on the milk, contemplating my life choices.   The intercom crackles to life. That familiar static… Read more

  • Marty’s Quikmart Episode 4

    Bunnies, Bad Milk, and Burnt Botanicals   I arrived for my Tuesday shift at Marty’s Quickmart to find pure chaos—Bob, the owner for the past decade, was dangling from a safety harness, wrestling with a neon sign while a contractor watched nervously below. Aerosmith’s “Livin’ on the Edge” blasted from someone’s truck radio nearby, the… Read more

  • Marty’s Quikmart Episode 3

    Declarations, Complaints, and Declined Cards    Wednesday evenings at Marty’s Quickmart fall into a predictable lull around 8 PM. The after-work rush has died down, and the late-night energy drink crowd hasn’t arrived yet. I’m restocking the cigarette display when Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” starts playing on the store radio, its gentle melody filling the… Read more